Sardines

Like every morning getting onto the elevator in my work building is a game to me. The game is called How Many People can you Fit into a Small Elevator without it Breaking Down? Fun game right? It is absolutely absurd when the elevator is packed annnd there is that one asshole who crams themselves into it last minute...as in the door is slowly shutting and they put their hand out to stop it. Can you really not wait max 2 WHOLE MINUTES, or 120 seconds for the next available elevator? Really people??

Last night after work a magazine rep took us to a class called Soul Cycle. Its a cycling class in a room that is 150 degrees for 45 minutes. Needless to say I am so sore right now but its a good kind of soreness. At the end of the class they include an arm session which again needless to say my arms are super sore.

I can't let Amber or Jessie bring me down. Amber joined in the Soul Cycling class yesterday and we chatted for a while...but at times she can be really snippy with me. Which I think she has no right to do..its ill mannered. Granted I can be at times as well. But I CAN'T LET THEM BITCHES BRING ME DOWN :)!

Chris is so freaking cute and we write really long messages to each other. But homeboy has YET to ask me on a date! Why?? The amount we talk via on-line what are we going to talk about in person?? Seriously...wtf? There is another guy named Mike and he seems nice..we shall see.

Brand New

So I have decided that I needed to change my attitude and become a "can do person"!!! I can do anything my heart and soul desires. Dragon lady, frenemies, assholes, douche bags, meanies, etc..cannot bring me down because I'm a good person. And more importantly as Rosie the Riveter said "we can do it!"

I haven't been sleeping that well lately, I'm not sure why. I can't decide if I have somethings on my mind or if I just rile myself up before bed. But I sleep with an eye mask on and I think I am having an allergic reaction to it..its a bit pink and and dry around my eyes. Crazy right??

Well, I have picked up a babysitting job on the weekends! Its so nice to have extra income for a rainy day and more importantly, I can pay my credit card bills. I gotta support my lifestyle hahaha!! Shopping in New York is such a tease...horrible!! I need to stop asap. Get this..the child is four years old and isn't potty trained yet. He doesn't tell me when he has to go pee and instead has accidents. And no he doesn't wear diapers. Well, we were waiting in line and he was tired and wanted me to pick him up. So I did obviously- he's my employer hahahaha :):)! As I was holding him I said, "do you have to go potty" and he simply replied with "no". My hands was warm and wet...the CHILD PEED IN MY HAND! ugh. Disgusting. But when the check was written to me I didn't mind hahaha

I've been doing Match.com still and there are three new guys :)! SUPER cute and so much fun!! I'm trying to go on some more dates right? Might as well play the field...but I am still talking to Mark. We hung out last night at his apartment..and texted the whole weekend. It was somewhat refreshing seeing him in a different light. We watched Law and Order and ordered in food....so nice to just relax . Well the funniest thing happened...it was on commercial and it was a match.com one. OMG i felt so awkward...and I didn't say a single word. I mean i guess at one point we have to acknowledge it?? Right?? Anyways..We talked majority of the time. But what kills me the most is...he still hasn't made a move! WTF? You would think this guy would try to atleast...well i did sit in the chair again hahahahahahaa oopsies :)

Curve balls

So much has been going on this week. And its only a WEDNESDAY!

I'm not quite sure what type of mood I am...maybe tired and a bit emotional.

I feel like going to work every day is literally getting ready for a battle. Maybe its the profession I decided to choose or maybe it has to do with my boss. I have been fucking things up at work...making stupid careless mistakes. Which I accept and have apologized for doing so. However, I am a human being, and people should take in account my learning curve. On Monday my boss was ridiculous. I had to update, export and format excel spreadsheets along with programs as well. Sounds easy and quick right? Well- WRONG! I was at the office till 10 PM on a MONDAY night! My first day back from the weekend. No worries- my boss left me high and dry at 6. I came back to my desk and she had put on her jacket and was walking towards the door. She gave me a list of things to do. I guess it is true that when you are the lowest on the totem pole you really have it hard. That's one thing I wish college taught me. How the real world is nothing like internships/summer jobs at all. I thought I had seen it all with my internships but NOPE. This is a damn roller coaster..and I'm learning. Today college graduates have the twinkle and hopeful look in their eyes...I just want to pull them aside and say GO BACK TO SCHOOL!! The real world is not fun at all in fact it sucks. You know when you first graduate from college you think to yourself I can do whatever I want to do and be whatever I want to be. You don't really think much of obstacles nor the people you come across. I have to admit from where I was freshly college graduate to where I am now (4 months later) I have learned and experienced a lot.

This past Saturday I went for a run in Central Park and came across this cute little old man. He was holding a cane, book and a bottle of water. I approached him and asked if he would like some company. He was delighted! We walked and talked for a while...well I did most of the talking! He has asthma and couldn't talk as much while walking. But so nice and he complimented on my kindness. I didn't do it because of the compliment. I did it because I wanted to talk to someone and maybe meet a friend. Nonetheless, he invited me to his reading at a church on Monday evening. I wasn't able to make it because I was stuck at work! Woo. The life I live right??

Oh match.com- Hahahahah god where do I even begin? Well, I think Mark officially hates me...not quite sure why. But we haven't spoken since Monday (I know two days ago..) but the balls in his court. I'm not going to make anymore effort even though I did on Monday. Ya know? Erik is so nice! He has been so patient with me since I've been so busy with work and all but I'm hoping to see him soon! Sean? Well, we've been texting back and forth so we are supposedly hanging out this weekend. I won't hold my breath. Thats it for the guy department now.

So curveballs. I guess when life and things happen unexpectedly you just have to deal. I sometimes hate my life/job but I have to deal. Theres no better way to say that. It sucks. But I'm a grown up.

long time

Woo! It's been a while since I last updated...did you miss me??

Clearly :) you have...well don't fret my lovelys I have plenty to update.

So first off- My new roommate is amazing! We get along so well and we've decided to move in together woo!! Exciting right? Life's kinda funny to be quite honest. Before I moved to New York I really didn't have that many friends nor did I know that many people. But since I've moved here I've put myself out there and really tried. I have been so blessed to have lived with three amazing girls. Each one of them has taught different things about life. I am so grateful to know them!

I was deadly ill all day yesterday. No clue what was wrong with me because the day before I was healthy like a mule. Then BAM Wednesday morning fever, chills, body aches, etc. I still pushed through and went into work..I lasted for oh about 30 minutes before telling the dragon lady I had to go home. She was really kind and very persistent for me to go. I was quite shocked..even though we had a lot of work to do. Before I left I told her where I had left off for work and she said she would do the rest. Again another shocker. I slept all day and went to the doctors. Literally I got out of bed for two things: bathroom and food. I don't think I've ever slept this much before...not even in college.

Mark and I have been texting more and more frequent. He's a really nice guy and I finally had a break through with him! He got my jokes/sarcasm. Sheesh finally right?? Took him long enough..and he keeps priding himself on being such a nice guy. But I keep teasing him and saying you a mean guy...still has a lot to learn. I told my mother about him obviously not how we know each other. She would have a heart attack kidding me?? Well, first thing she said how old is he and what does he do for a living. When I answered all three questions she said he's too mature for you and you guys aren't on the same page. I can totally understand that...here is a guy who is established, stable and is living on his one. Me? I have two roommates, unstable, new to the city, and trying to figure out what I want to do in life. But we both enjoy each others company and he is entertaining hahaha!!

This brings me to another point age- So this guy messaged me and we chatted briefly..we agreed to do a date. He is quite good looking and established as well. HOWEVER- he is 33 years old. That is 10 years older than I am. My friend is dating a guy that is 36 years old and she is so in love with him. She is one of my best friends and always said to me age is just a number. I don't know if I can get past it...Is age just really a number? To me I feel like this guy and I are on two separate pages in life! I mean Mark is 27 which is a 5 year difference...but this guy is a 10 years difference! I know I shouldn't be thinking like thist but when he was 20 I was only 10 years old...in the 4th grade!!! Creepy right? But then Andrea Tutu brought up two good points her grandparents are 11 years a part and were married for 40+ years, and she said when he's 80 your 70. That doesn't seem too bad right? I guess I shouldn't think in the past? Well, I did my leap of faith and agreed to do dinner with him on Saturday. Hey it can be a free meal and a good story right?

Well, I went back to work today. Guess what? Dragon lady didn't do what she said she was going to do! I was beyond swamped since I missed a day of work and today was busy as well. So double the amount. Errrr..it's ok life goes on and my health is much more important. I have chosen what my summer Fridays will be used for! I can't wait for summer because it will not only be dress season butttt warmer weather!! New York feels like winter again brrrr!

Friendship

This weekend has been crazy! My company was sponsoring a huge event and well I had to attend them...and lets just say I don't regret it :)! I got to hug Oprah Winfrey, pretty much touching distance to Mary J Blige, Jennifer Hudson, Dr. Oz, and others.

But I am physically and mentally drained right now...so sleepy!!

So weekend updates

Friday: went for a run with Amber and I told her about how I joined match.com and the first thing she said to me was "can we please tell jessie??" and its like wtf?? I am confiding in you and you shouldn't want to blab to another person. That's just not realy nice to be quite honest. My opinion that is...and at night I met up my group of guy friends and my roommate came along! It was our first bonding experience..she is such a sweetie. She took me to a party with her friends and we had so much fun :):) stayed out waaaaay too late because I had to get up so early the next day!! Mark texted me and wanted to meet up..but he passed out. Erick called me on his way back down south for mothers day but I got his voicemail when I returned it.

Saturday: Work event all day and took a nap when i got back. Mark texted me later on and asked me what I was up to..and I told him nothing but not wanting to drink because I had to wake up really early the next day. He agreed and didn't want to drink either. But he was meeting a friend for dinner and wanted to meet up afterwards. After texting back and forth he suggested a movie at his place...ok to be quite honest I was really hesistant..he seems like a nice guy but god forbidden something could have happened to me. He could have been a crazy lunatic or something!! But from what I knew of him...I went hahaha. Good decision?? I'm not quite sure...I wasn't OVERLY excited to be going to his place because I was scared he was gonna make a move and try to hook up with me. Ok so the layout of his apt (he lives by himself-HUGE plus!) he has a couch and a chair. I purposely chose the chair because I didn't want to sit on the couch with him...ya know incase he tried to make a move on me or something! But it was fun the conversation was good and I always have fun. The va va voom is still not there but I'm gonna stick this one out?

Sunday: woke up at 5:30 am for a charity walk. EXHAUSTED! Nothing really special happened today...but I went to church and got there a bit early. I was there alone and sitting by myself there was a girl behind me and I thought why not? Why shouldn't I try and meet someone new? Do something new for a change..so I turned around and said Hi whats your name? And we had such a great conversation we sat next to each other at church. Got to really know her and we are in the same boat! New to NYC only shes in culinary school (how cool right??) and we exchanged numbers and said we are so hanging out!! I'm really glad I met her :) and I even said I'm not coming onto you and she goes good..hahaha good laugh!! It wasn't awkward either. The pastors sermon was incredible to say the least. His topic of choice was Friendship. Here are the key points that I walked away with:

1) Potential friendship is built between common interest there are TWO things to transform a potential friendship into a good friendship: Transparent vulnerability and loyalty.

2) Those two things will automatically change any potential friendship into a lasting one...but heres the problem. In today's society not everyone can give those two things TOGETHER..there is an unbalance to it. In New York its hard because everyone wants to protect themselves and not get hurt.

3) There are two types of social groups in NYC one being co-workers and people in the same network (career wise) and social group ie romantic interests. There isn't an happy medium why is that? Like I said in point two people don't want to be vulnerable and lose. They gotta protect themselves.

4) A good friend isn't just there for you when your happy, they are there for you when its the hardest time to face the scary/hard things in life. Kinda like how God is there for you.

5) This was my favorite he said "we are hypercritical self imaged puzzles...we have shame, pride, superficial, etc within us...we let society dictate us...and that needs to stop"

I really enjoyed todays sermon because I've been feeling like in the dumps lately. I feel alone and sometimes regret moving to nyc. After hearing his sermon I realized everything was gonna be ok...it was very reassuring :)

Thrill

So last night I went to the bars with my guy friends and we had an very interesting discussion. They don't believe in dating girls which totally blew my mind but instead, of having sex the first time they meet them...then from there they decide what they want to do ie: date or not. I believe that a girl should wait to have sex after dating the guy and getting to know them. Who wants a one night stand? In my opinion- I think a girl should wait and get to know the guy first. But I can't say I haven't had a one night stand before because that would be a complete lie. Andrea Tutu made a great point during our phone date she said women since the beginning of time think long term ie: pregnancy, having children, family, etc. Where as men see things as short term and want to spread their seed.

Mark and I have been texting each other. I failed to mention that on the date he told me he use to be on a skee ball league. I'm not sure if thats funny or weird? But anyways, the texting has gotten a bit better...I just need him to give me more zing and sarcasm. Is that too much to ask for?

Work was alright nothing special. Amber was a bit rude today..we had a special cocktail hour and afterwards their was a this trivia thing. I turned to her and said "do you want to stay and play?" And she said "I'm horrible at trivia and no thank you!" so we both walked back to our desk. As soon as she heard Jessie was over at trivia she high tails back over and at this time I'm sitting back at my desk. So its like whatever...and one of the prizes was a camera for the winning team. Well, next thing I know she comes back with Jessie and their prizes. Its one thing to say you don't want to play but another to blatantly not want to hang out ya know? I find that to be quite childish.

Working girl.

So i decided to ultimately cancel my date with OAR. I know bad right? But first off I'm not in the mood this is going to sound so bratty but I don't need three dates in one week. Plus I am going to a client function after work! So legit reasoning.

Mark has been texting me which is nice..I just can't tell if he is just "too nice" I know that’s bad…really I do. I’ve been dating assholes, douche bags, mean MEAN boys and now a nice guy comes along and I’m not really taking the bait. I’m not saying I’m perfect by ANY means. But I feel like I am a really sarcastic person and he doesn’t understand my sense of humor. Is it too much to ask for a witty sarcastic guy? Ok here is part of our conversation:
Mark: your way spoiled (this is about my job and how I get off at 5 PM at times)
Me oh hush your just jealous of my low paying entry level job!
Mark: I’ve been in the low positions and gotten off of work at midnight
Me: I guess I’m more efficient at my job compared to you 
Mark: Or your at a better company 
WHY CAN’T YOU BE SARCASTIC WITH ME???? Is that too much to ask for?? My friend B was saying how a nice guy can be bland..bland is like a 60 degree weather day. I can’t tell but I’ll give this guy a chance. I need something new right?? Then my friend Bradley said “I bet he’s a cool guy u just need to let him warm up to you, you don’t wanna be a sarcastic jerk before you know a girl” SO TRUE. Again another reason to give him a chance…
Work has been ok…dragon lady didn’t bit my head off which was a shocker ! She was refreshingly kind today…maybe she did get laid again!!!!!!!

Long Day

Today was hectic at work...my pile seemed to be never ending and would just get bigger and bigger. Dragon lady (my boss) was on my case today. I know I make mistakes and I own up to them but its frustrating when I ask questions she give me attitude or makes me feel guilty. Thats one of the main reasons why I mess up is because I get so nervous when I ask her questions. I have anxiety/stress every time I see, hear, or get e-mails from her. She makes me feel less confident about my job and thats not a good thing. I came home crying to my mother and just explaining how I felt. She wasn't very sympathetic because I made the mistakes and she said be more careful. Which is quite true. But I just feel like my boss not only belittles me but also makes me feel shitty. She doesn't treat any other person like that..in fact its quite opposite- she's really friendly towards other people. I need to stop complaining!!

I went on a date tonight with Erick aka Peace Corp guy. Really nice and we hit it off...at times there were awkward pauses and quiet stares. Super cute, friendly, preppy, and really nice. However, at one point he turned me off. I don't want to get married anytime soon but, he was like I don't wnat to meet the girl of my dreams right now. And its like oh wow...and I agreed with him to an extent. I don't want to get married till im like 28. But still isn't that weird?? Overall, great time and he asked for a second date. He asked me if I was seeing anyone else and I was truthful and said yes I am. And his response was "am I gonna have to take him out?

Going on another date on Wednesday (OAR guy)

Exhausted

This weekend has been so insane. I have been going non-stop and I am officially exhausted and don't even want to think about going to work/what this week will be like. My family came up to NYC for the weekend and I was able to spend a lot of time with them. I went to Coney Island for the very first time and it was different in an interesting way. It wasn't nearly as trashy as I thought it would have been instead quite the opposite. Hung out with them pretty much all weekend...and babysat Friday and Saturday night.

On Saturday night however, I was watching School of Rock then my phone rang. And it was a number I didn't know..and I answered it. It was Peace Corp guy!! He called me to have a phone date hahahahaha!! I was obviously like say whaaat? He was driving back from Long Island and had some time to kill so he thought of me. Well isn't that sweet? We chatted for a while and the conversation was actually pretty good..no weird awkward pauses. But it was just kinda middle school-ish. Why not ask me on a date? Instead of doing this phone date thing? But at the end of the conversation he did ask me to dinner/drinks. So we agreed Monday evening at 7:30! Aka-tomorrow night.

Mark- we texted for a bit on Friday evening and then again Saturday. He ended up meeting me out on Saturday night at my friends birthday party. I was with my group of guy friends and they are a hoot. I love them to pieces but sometimes they can get on my nerves. They don't do it intentionally but its almost like I have to babysit them and hang out with just them. I am a social butterfly I enjoy meeting people and talking to other people. Well it was me, Same, and Fred that were at the bar. Mark came a little bit afterwards and they weren't very inviting and very chatty with him..which kinda made me mad. Because I had to just talk to them and kinda ignore Mark. Well, as the night went on they found their groove and I was able to just talk to Mark. At first I felt a bit uneasy because someone asked how we knew each other to him and I over heard. And its not that I am embarrassed that we know each other through Match.com but obviously, I'm not proud of it. I am know sure what he responded with but I am pretty sure he didn't mention match. But we had fun at the bar and ended up going to Mcdonalds afterwards and had a ball! I took a cab home and passed out.

My father arrived in New York at 6 AM today and I had to go pick him up. Mind you that I went to bed at 4 AM. Am I a good daughter or what?? Came back to my apartment and passed back out for a couple of hours. Woke up and took him around the city. We had so much fun together and I love him so so much!! We ended up seeing the rest of my family and had brunch with them and that is always a treat. And by 5 PM I dropped him back off to the bus station. Yes my father is insane and only came up for ONE DAY.

I had dinner plans this evening with Mark..and I'm not gonna lie. I wasn't looking forward to it..not because I was tired or anything but because I felt like there was no sparks/chemistry/za za zoom between us. I know that sounds awful but its the truth. I was contemplating on backing out because I wasn't in the mood. However, I sucked it up and just dealt with it. And I'm really glad I went on the date with him. He is a really nice guy, funny, charming, cute, BUT I wish he was like 3 inches taller. Thats my one thing!! His voice still cracks me up but I look past it because he is a good guy. I am not forcing myself to actually like him...he is growing on me and these things take time. We talked about the night before because he blacked out at certain points and I told him how he called himself fat and I agreed with them. And also, how I am so mean to him in general. Again fun time. When he walked me to the subway I was praying to god that he wouldn't kiss me. Is that weird?? I mean I just don't think I am ready and its waaaaaaay too soon. I want to still get to know him. He opened up tonight we talked about our parents, friends, etc. So overall- a really great night with him!

Sean- I was so nervous that he didn't understand my humor and wasn't interested in me. Don't ask me why. But nonetheless, he did respond and we are meeting next weekend!

OAR- I am meeting him either wed/thurs to do a beer garden? I don't know how I feel. I don't like doing "just drinks" as a date..I like to eat and get to know someone. Maybe I'm not much of a huge beer drinker. It kinda turns me off a little bit...but we shall see!!